Walt Mueller is one of the most respected commentators on today’s youth culture. He was a youth minister for a number of years but, according to his website, he has “spent the last 20 years studying, writing, and speaking about youth culture with a great group of folks at the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding.” He is also an adjunct professor of youth ministry at Evangelical Theological Seminary in Pennsylvania. I strongly recommend Walt to you:
The Center for Parent/Youth Understanding – “Founded in 1990 by Walt Mueller, CPYU has developed an international reputation as a voice providing cutting-edge information, resources and analysis on today’s youth culture.”
An article in the New York Times came out over the weekend telling the harrowing story of a 14-year-old girl, Margarite. Here is a summary of the article:
“One day last winter Margarite posed naked before her bathroom mirror, held up her cellphone and took a picture. Then she sent the full-length frontal photo to Isaiah, her new boyfriend.
“Both were in eighth grade.
“They broke up soon after. A few weeks later, Isaiah forwarded the photo to another eighth-grade girl, once a friend of Margarite’s. Around 11 o’clock at night, that girl slapped a text message on it… Then she clicked open the long list of contacts on her phone and pressed ’send.’
“In less than 24 hours, the effect was as if Margarite, 14, had sauntered naked down the hallways of the four middle schools… Hundreds, possibly thousands, of students had received her photo and forwarded it.”
“Sexting”, or sending nude or nearly nude photos via text message or email, has become very common amongst many people groups, including teenagers. According to an internet poll in 2009, an astounding 24% of 14- to 17-year-olds had engaged in “some type of naked sexting”. And, though sexting affects both girls and boys, girls are more likely to be receive negative attention from sexting. The article says, “While a boy caught sending a picture of himself may be regarded as a fool or even a boastful stud, girls, regardless of their bravado, are castigated as sluts. Photos of girls tend to go viral more often, because boys and girls will circulate girls’ photos in part to shame them….”
As Denny Burk has pointed out, parents must be very careful to shepherd their children. I don’t want to sound repetitive, but I cannot stress this enough — parents have every right to monitor their children’s internet and phone use. The Lord has given us authority over them, and we are responsible to God for them.
There are a few difficulties, though. For one, it is nearly impossible to monitor all internet/phone use at all times. Teenagers will find ways to access technology. While we don’t need to implant tracking devices in our children, we must do whatever we can to guard their hearts. That includes talking about what’s going on in their lives, meeting and getting to know their friends, having a time each day for family worship, and spending quality time with them. It also includes educating them about sex and the dangers of other sexual behavior like sexting (a great resource for teenage boys is Sexual Detox by Tim Challies).
Another difficulty is that, as parents, we really want our children to like us. We want them to see us as their friend, someone they can trust and confide in and joke around with. This is a good thing, and there’s nothing wrong with this. However, we often fail to oversee their activities or even discipline them, because we don’t want them to think we’re “prying” into their lives. We don’t want them to see us as the bad guys. But, as long as they are under our care and protection, wemust do whatever it takes to guide them in holiness and protect them from evil.
It’s not easy. And I don’t have all the answers. But God has given us wisdom in his Word and the Holy Spirit to guide us as we parent our children. Let’s seek him for the answers and for grace and forgiveness when we fail.
Okay, so maybe this isn’t breaking news, but a study was recently conducted on how people use social networking websites like Facebook. According to the study, “The women who had the largest social networks and posted more photos of themselves were more highly vested in their appearance.”
In contrast, “The people who tended to base their self worth on things like academic competence, family love and support, and being a virtuous or moral person spent less time online and showed less interest in attention-seeking through social media.”
As I said in a previous post, there are many advantages to Facebook and using the internet to connect with people. However, there are still many dangers that must be addressed. Are you someone who spends a large amount of time on the internet (on the computer and on your phone), specifically Facebook, MSN, and other social networking sites and applications? Do you post loads of pictures of yourself? What do you think this says about yourself?
While women struggle with this, there are obviously men who struggle with their appearance as well. And what makes things worse is when young men and women are constantly being bombarded with the message that they must focus on improving their self worth and self esteem. In the Bible, the message is quite different — our worth and esteem must be found in the Lord, not in ourselves.
Many of you will know the verse in the Bible that says, “Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.” It isn’t as if God cares nothing about the outward appearance. After all, he’s the one who created us! So my point is not that we should just completely forget about our appearance. There’s nothing wrong with dressing nicely and looking smart. But when we begin to find our identity and worth in how we look, rather than being identified with Christ and finding worth in him, we become consumed with ourselves and, ultimately, make ourselves into idols.
This study doesn’t prove that posting loads of photos of yourself on Facebook automatically makes you vain and conceited. But it certainly should make us think about why we post so many photos and place so much value in our social network. How does this reflect the state of our heart?
When I first moved to Scotland, Bebo was still the big social networking site amongst teens and young adults in the UK. But the phenomenon that is Facebook hit the UK with such force that, just two and a half years later, Bebo is never even mentioned by this same age group. Many have either abandoned or deleted their Bebo accounts in favour of Facebook. (My American friends will most likely have never even heard of Bebo.)
Facebook has permeated our culture and affected the lives of millions, both young and old, throughout the world. This video explains it well:
Facebook is great for a number of reasons, including the fact that you can re-connect with friends and acquaintances who you may have lost touch with over the years. But I have noticed there are a number of dangers that come with Facebook and other social networking sites. I have also noticed that many people, especially teenagers, are much more careless on Facebook than they would be in real life. Many have been stripped by Facebook. They have exposed everything about themselves to the world with just a few clicks of the mouse.
When I took my driving course in high school, I had to go through a section on alcohol. The instructor emphasized that judgment is the first thing you lose when you drink. So the more you drink, the more open and carefree you become. You could certainly say this is how many teenagers act on Facebook, and they divulge everything — personal feelings and emotions, dodgy photos, and harsh language. Facebook has also become a new forum for bullying. After all, it’s dead easy to make fun of someone in a comment thread on Facebook than to their face at school.
I’m not saying that we must completely shut off our computers and hide in the closet, but I also want to give a few words of advice and encouragement.
Teenagers
1. Make sure your privacy settings ensure that your information is completely private to only your friends and not open to the public. To do this, go to your Facebook homepage. In the upper right-hand corner, select “Account”. Click on “Privacy Settings”. Under “Sharing on Facebook”, make sure “Friends Only” is selected. Then, below that, click on “Edit Settings” under “Apps and Websites”. Make sure “Game and App Activity” is set to “Friends Only”. Then click on “Edit Settings” in “Instant Personalization”. Make sure the box is unchecked.
2. Don’t share any information, even with friends, that you wouldn’t share face-to-face with someone.
3. Don’t post photos that are suggestive or sexy.
4. Think before you update your status or comment on someone else’s status or photos. Remember that everyone you are connected with on Facebook can view these updates.
5. Bullying isn’t cool in real life, and it’s not cool on Facebook. Resist the urge to either make fun of someone or join in with someone else who is bullying. Stand up for those who are being treated unfairly.
Parents
1. Monitor your teenager’s activity on Facebook. This doesn’t mean you need to look over their shoulder every day or even sign up for your own account. But hold them accountable for what they type and post.
2. Remember, your teenager can access Facebook on their phone if they have a data plan.
This is a conversation worth having between parents and teens. Please take special note of the warning at the beginning of this clip, as the clip may be offensive to you.
If you’re a teenager (and you’re anything like me when I was in school), you’ve probably had an argument or two with your parents about what music is on your iPod (though for me, it was what cassette tapes I bought). If you’re a parent, you’ve probably struggled with trying to figure out what’s best for raising your child — Should I allow my children to just listen to whatever they want or guard everything entering their ears?
I recently came across an excellent article dealing with how we, as Christians, should treat ‘secular’ music. The author, Dr. Russell Moore, offers a fair, balanced, and most importantly biblical answer to the question, ‘Is my music warping my child?’Though you may not all agree with all of the author’s conclusions, this should stimulate some helpful discussion between parents and children.
Click here to read the article in its entirety (opens a new window).
Author of the article, Dr. Russell Moore, is the Dean of the School of Theology and Senior Vice-President for Academic Administration at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He also serves as a preaching pastor at Highview Baptist Church in Louisville, Kentucky.
This is probably one of the most difficult subjects to talk about. We don’t like people getting involved in “our business”, especially when it has to do with who we choose to date/marry. My mother was always very honest when she thought I was dating someone I shouldn’t be. She always voiced her concerns, but I always ignored her. After all, I thought, what do moms know? Well, looking back, mom knew exactly what she was talking about. Though I didn’t want anyone (especially mom) in my business, I wish I had listened more to godly wisdom from those who have “been there and done that”.
This brings us to the subject at hand: Is it okay for a Christian to date/marry a non-Christian?
The short answer is no. But let’s unpack that a bit. Here are two real-life situations that have occurred in my life over the past few years.
Example B A few years ago, one of my friends in the church (we’ll call her Susie) was dating a non-Christian. He was a nice guy and treated her very well (according to Susie). But she knew she deserved a man of God who would physically, emotionally, and spiritually love her and care for her in the same way that Christ loves and cares for the church. And she knew this, because she had previously had a relationship with a strong Christian who helped her grow in her faith. I supported her thoughts and prayed that she would have the courage to break up with her current boyfriend. Eventually, Susie and her boyfriend broke up. She said it was “the right thing to do” and she needed to be with someone who loves Jesus. But, for some reason, Susie couldn’t take the break up and the hurt she had caused and went back with her man. She ignored my biblical advice and tried to find any Scripture she could to defend her choice (1 Corinthians 7:14, which is actually about a woman who is already married and becomes a Christian). Susie would go on to marry this man.
Example B Recently, a teenager (we’ll call her Sally) told me she was dating a non-Christian. She clearly knew that what she was doing wasn’t biblical, but she was still holding on to the relationship because (a) she didn’t want to hurt him and (b) she cared for his soul. The boy had become interested in the church through their relationship, so Sally believed it was good to continue to witness to him in this way. This is what’s called evangedating — bringing a non-believing boyfriend/girlfriend into the church in hopes that they will be converted. My wife and I had talks with Sally about what is biblical and godly in this situation, and Sally really took it to heart. She eventually broke up with her boyfriend, saying, “I saw what you and your wife have and what [another youth leader and his wife] have and what [still another youth leader and his wife] have and realized that’s what I want.”
These are two examples from real life, and I am thankful that “Sally” considered what the Bible has to say about the kind of person we should date/marry and made an important but very difficult decision to break up with her boyfriend. But sadly, like Susie, there are many young women and men out there who are either unaware of what the Bible says or simply ignore its commandments. I’m not going to sit here and pretend it’s easy, because I’ve been through the same situation myself. Thankfully, (and only by the power of the Holy Spirit!) I made the choice to stop dating a non-Christian when I was 17.
Today I read an old article from Boundless Webzine. The article was a Question & Answer on the subject of “Marrying an Unbeliever”. The woman who wrote the question said this:
I’m a recent college grad who fell in love with a guy who is Muslim but not really practicing. I told him I was a practicing Christian. He is a beautiful guy inside and out. We dated for about 9 1/2 months, during which I met his entire family, all his friends and people close to him. He has always treated me with respect and been very honest.
I, however, felt shameful in coming into the presence of God knowing that I was giving myself in every way to a guy who did not know Christ. I got the strength one night and decided to break up with him. I’ve been struggling ever since.
I feel as though I made a mistake in letting him go. We had talked about marriage, and he would be a great father. While we dated, he went to church with me, and since we broke up he has told me he plans to keep going to church.
One night he called me out of the blue and told me he didn’t know that the Christian faith said it was OK to “discriminate” against others. To that, I had nothing to say. A piece of me wants to call him and get back together. It’s not his fault that he was brought up in a country with other customs and beliefs. Can’t I, as a Christian woman, maintain a relationship with him showing him the love of Christ and what peace, joy and contentment means?
Is there any way around this?
Now, I realize some of you will not have contact with many Muslims, but you can easily take out “Muslim” and insert “Jew” or “Mormon” or “Atheist”. It doesn’t matter, because the subject is dealing with dating/marrying non-Christians. The woman who answered this question, Candice Watters, gave a very straightforward, biblical, and charitable response, and I thought it would be good to share this with you. You can read the entire answer here, but I will summarize:
Scripture is clear — we must only marry believers. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says that we must not be yoked to unbelievers. For a picture of what it means to be yoked, scroll up and look at the picture of the oxen “yoked” together.
Christian marriage is designed by God to represent the marriage of Christ to the church. Men cannot truly understand their role as a husband with Christ, and women cannot truly understand their role as a wife without Christ.
Things get especially complicated with children; how can an unbelieving father/mother train his/her children in the righteousness of God? What happens when Christian mom wants to take her children to church, but unbelieving dad refuses, or vice versa?
Sexual sin with a partner, whether it’s intercourse or any other kind of sexual sin, confuses our ability to think clearly and make good decisions.
We can often become confused by how we feel. Emotions are often misleading and must be held accountable by Scripture.
We must flee from temptations — 2 Timothy 2:22 says, “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
Surround yourself with other Christians who will help and support you in your struggle. If a Christian friend or family member encourages you to continue dating a non-Christian for whatever reason, they are most likely either uninformed or ignoring what Scripture says.
Okay, so maybe this isn’t breaking news, but 
